Stop holding yourself back

Embracing imperfection every day

It’s been a busier start to the year than usual for me.

Just a week after visiting my brother’s family for Christmas, I was back to take care of the nephews for a couple days while their parents jetted off to Maui for my brother’s business trip. (My brother, an architect, has been involved in a project with FEMA providing emergency housing for folks whose homes were destroyed in the fires that ravaged so much of Maui last year—these temporary homes are a great improvement over the old FEMA trailers, so it’s all very exciting.)

Spending a couple of days with the nephews is always a treat, and also a great reminder of what we lose as we grow up. When my eldest nephew turned six, I bought him a sign that said, “DON’T GROW UP. IT’S A TRAP.” He has spent the last six years proudly informing me “I don’t listen to your sign,” though he might have started to rethink that plan when he unwrapped a penguin-decorated dryer ball at Christmas and was informed that he’s about to start doing his own laundry.

While the boys are now 9 and 12, so no longer living full-time in the Land of Make-Believe, they’re still full of play and imagination. It’s a lot of fun to play a game of “Would you rather…?” with them, where they not only have to make a choice but have to explain it, either logically, creatively, or with humor, and see what wild things they’ll come up with.

Even at 9 and 12, they haven’t yet learned to hold themselves back. Adults, on the other hand, have learned that, in order to “fit in,” to please someone else’s idea of what “grown-ups” should be, there are ways we should behave, ideas that are acceptable and that aren’t, and flights of fancy we should keep to ourselves (which usually is pretty much all of them).

Obviously, I’m not talking here about things that are dangerous or criminal. But there’s plenty that we’re taught, implicitly or explicitly, to keep under wraps. When we do, we’re basically putting a big mask on every time we’re around others, because the last thing we can do safely is be ourselves.

If we do it successfully enough, we might even start to fool ourselves.

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I sat down last week with my dear friend Cindy Lynn Speer, author of books like The Chocolatier’s Wife and The Key to All Things, for a conversation about perfectionism and what holds us back. It’s out on the podcast today, but unlike most of my podcast episodes, I decided to do this one as a video first, so you can watch us chat on YouTube, if you’re so inclined.

If you’d rather listen, you can still do that via the usual channels.

Either way, I hope you’ll enjoy it!

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MAKE BAD ART starts NEXT WEEK! I’m really excited to kick off the next cohort of this life-changing course, and I hope you’ll join us! In just six weeks, and just a few minutes each day, you’ll rewire your perfectionism and self-judgment so you can let go of restriction, question cultural directives, and open yourself up to more freedom and creativity.

Participants in the first cohort reported feeling looser and having more fun in every aspect of their lives by the end of our six weeks together. One started the course thinking she was a crafter; by the end, she not only realized she’s a fine artist but was also approached by the incoming director of a new gallery in her town about exhibiting her work. Another came in believing she wasn’t creative at all; she proved to herself in the first half hour that she is, and and went on to discover the power of giving herself permission to really be herself and do things the 'wrong' way throughout the rest of the course.

You can find all the details here. If you have any questions at all about the program, hit reply and let me know. I’d love to talk!